To borrow a greeting from the American agents – yo!
I’m very wary of what I put here now that I know we have an audience beyond ourselves – this is mostly due to what I learned last weekend during my mission to…well I can’t say. Y’see the utterly paraxocial thing is that now that I know this character reads our blog, I can’t talk about it on here, because it might risk undoing the Memory Bomb we put on the fandom after we’d finished clean up (I don’t actually know what the result of that would be, beyond Harriet’s explainations of “Tooooormeeeeent!”).
So yeah, I had my first mission – it was pretty awesome, even if I did have a banging headache. I got to hug two of my favourite characters (though I missed the title character – which was probably for the best, since he had a gun for more than fifty percent of the time). I had a lot of people complain afterwards that I wasted a lot of time in my mission stopping to complain about my hangover. And yes, maybe I did, but I have a very simple reason for my constant bitching. As anyone who has actually done it will testify, being hungover is a lot like having a really bad flu, in that it is impossible to think of anything except how crappy you feel. So there you go - I couldn’t stop complaining about it, because I couldn’t forget it was there any more than I could forget my own legs were there.
In other news, I finished Fifty Shades of Grey. Since I’d done nothing but listen to Harriet, Tash and other like-minded readers complain about how rubbish it was, I figured I should see what the fuss was about. Let me be the millionth person to say that the writing is appalling. Now I’m not that great at English (as Mrs Anderson will be telling Harriet at Parents Evening next week) but I have read fanfictions with better sentence construction (which is an appropriate comparison given that the book started as fanfiction). And for that matter, I’ve read fanfictions with better BDSM. I think Fifty Shades is only popular because not enough people read fanfiction – otherwise they wouldn’t be finding it half as amazing. I’ve loaned it now to Anna, who’s half way through and I’m pretty sure agrees with me. I know Miki will take one look at the bad writing and probably demand all the books be burned. I will happily help her on this one!
Speaking of organised protest – Anna’s planning a big one at school! You guys know how at the end of Year Seven the teachers suddenly decided they were going to change our school uniform so that we could immitate the posh school on the other side of town? Well now they’re thinking about banning trousers for the girls and making us all wear skirts! Its the stupidest idea I have EVER heard! Bad enough we have to wear blazers that aren’t really that warm, and ties (I mean seriously, the tie is the most pointless piece of clothing ever!), but now all the girls will have to wear skirts if this goes ahead! Now if you’re cute like Miki you can pull skirts off and look good in them. But I’m not cute, and I KNOW skirts don’t look good on me! And I HATE that if the wind is blowing the wrong way, everyone can see your knickers. Anna’s thinking is the same (that and she has a huge birthmark on her leg that she doesn’t like people seeing).
So yeah, Anna is organising a protest. She’s gathering up signatures from all the students, and she’s reading all about peaceful protests. I think she wants us to come to school for a week dressed in something outrageous (I’m pretty sure Mike will come up with something cool – he’s good with fashion).
Oh if anyone was wondering, I did get my bra back from Becky. I wasn’t the only one who lost clothes that night though – apparently Mike woke up the next morning and found that someone had superglued his underwear drawer shut!
Damn it. I’m even in the same bed. I swear I’m recognizing some of the dots on the ceiling. So that makes 400 dots I’m actually sure of. Still recounting the others…
This is going to take me a little while to type out. Passion hit me with a bolt of lightning in the arena and I’m still trying to recover some of my minor motor skills. Val says typing will be good practice. I guess it is. When I can control the random shaking my hands go through. Gah…I better not go anywhere near my knives or I’ll cut off all my fingers by accident. Some of those things can go through bone like melted butter.
Speaking of knives and cutting…I’m sure everyone remembers Roxelana. Well, not to be disrepectful to the dead, but…
‘Ding, dong, the bitch is dead!’
It might sound somewhat bloodthirsty to gloat about it, but there are some people where it’s understandable. There was a law in Texas back in the late 1800′s where, if a man was killed, and a good amount of the population thought the man needed to be dead, the killer got off without a trial. The general thought was “He needed killin’.” Roxelana needed killin’.
I just wish I hadn’t had to slit her throat to do it. There’s something about feeling life slip out of a warm body that…Guh. It’s wrong. It feels horrible. Even with Roxelana…I don’t want to kill again. And never like that if I can get away with it. I’ll stick with my frying pan and my guns.
Wait….speaking of my frying pan, did anyone see what happened to it? Or do I have to get a new one?
Awwww, man…Cristoph says my frying pan was still in the Hunger Games arena when we left. I have to get a new one. Damn.
Passion was one hell of a fighter. And a gamer. Are they so different in the end?
I almost kinda wish we hadn’t had to kill Passion. I almost liked the guy, for a Stu. Back when we first met him, he was fun. He’d log in to whatever game was being played and join us in multiplayer. For or against. The guy had no problems teaming up with us in Halo or TF2. He was just another gamer.
I think I’ll miss him.
I wish he hadn’t died thinking what he was about us. I’m sorry he died in a righteous fury. I’d be angry like that too. Have been. I wish I could’ve…GODDAMMIT. I can’t even say it here. Sometimes, @, I really hate you.
Goodbye, Passion. Requiescat in pace.
Umm…Cristoph’s asking me to type something. He says, “Emily, I wish to speak with you on your spying skills, ninja to ninja.” I think he’s impressed that you got that naughty sketch of us, hun, but annoyed that you got it and he didn’t notice. Speaking of which…you’re not getting it back.
Huh. Cristoph says he’s got a special gift for my 21st birthday and that if I want it I should get off now. He’s, uh….Oh YES thank you God.
Okay. We all saw what happened in today’s meeting. And I’ve had some very loud parties of agents who have been suggesting none too subtly that Harriet and I punish such drastic and potentially dangerous behaviour from a junior member who obviously needs to learn manners, blah blah blah…
All I have to say is this.
Emily, next time you want to pull something like this, COME AND FIND ME BEFORE YOU PUSH SAITO INTO FISH FINGER’S TANK SO I CAN HELP YOU HOLD HIM DOWN!
Too bad Fish Finger has decided she doesn’t like the taste of humans…
Things have been pretty quiet. Combee chewed up the Deus Ex Machina a while ago and Emily has only just started fixing it. The good news is that now we can understand the Pokemon without overdosing on Oneshots. Unfortunately it also means that all Combee’s singing is now perfectly audible and understandable. And then two days ago, she gave me the fateful news…
“Auntie Tashy! I’ve found a Bee who sings! His name is Justin!”
And all hope was lost in the world as the strains of “Boyfriend” began to filter through the Library…
Gods help us all.
Anyway, the WARGS organised a huge game of Risk two weeks ago (Alice won). And then there was a massive Magic The Gathering tournament (which Dave won). And then a Minecraft Survival Games event (Michael won that). And then a friggin huge Pokemon tournament (Adrian won that). Harriet organised a cricket tournament (she won that). And then Ben, John and I had a huge dance off yesterday (nobody won that). We’ve been pretty competitive overall. Maybe its the Olympics.
Anyway, I may as well get out with it. I’ve been feeling pretty morose lately, as most of you may have gathered. Combination of a lot of things I’ve been called regularly over the last few months by various people just digging at me a little deeper each time – mostly insults from Sues, but sometimes other agents. Sometimes just downright nasty. I mean, they’re all true. I’m not blind to my own personality faults, its just that I don’t care what people think of me. The world can think I’m an angry, callous, stupid bitch and I don’t care. Or rather I shouldn’t care. That’s my problem. I’ve started caring again.
I shouldn’t care what other people think of me. I should just be able to say, ‘this is who I am – if you don’t like it, you can fuck off’. But there’s this really rubbish, doormat part of me that just wants to cower and go back to sucking up to the people who insult me in order to get them to like me again. Its pathetic, and I hate myself for it. I thought I’d grown out of that once I left school.
Or maybe I’m just sick and tired of trying to please some people when they just can’t be pleased.
Jeeze, when did I become so angsty? Maybe about the time missions started trickling in more and more slowly? Maybe I need a distraction…in fact I’m really tempted to go pick a fight with a Sue just to stir things up. I’d take Emily with me, but she’s on basement duty this week…
…spoke too soon. That’s the basement alarm going off. Maybe Emily ran out of tea again…
I cannot believe what I just heard.
Heck, most of you won’t be surprised. You probably heard it too while I was at school.
For those of you who don’t know, we had an emergency last night – well I say ‘we’ I mean the Counter Guardians, because we all slept through it. All caused by a level 2 Harry Potter Sue of all people! We knew she was there, but…well she was level 2. We didn’t bother about her. We didn’t think she was causing any trouble.
We were really wrong.
We’re still not sure what she did, but it majorly screwed up the Veil, and almost had it swallow the whole fandom! Anyway, we were all snoozing, so the Counter Guardians went to clean it up. Good news is its cleaned up and we’ve sent an apology to JK Rowling. The bad news is that the Sue is dead. Saito claims self defence, but none of us believe him – can’t possibly think why…
Anyway, I replayed all the footage from this morning just to see what I missed after I went to school, and Gods almighty! Saito is a dick! How dare he scream at Tash like that! Like she deliberately wanted it to happen! I’ll spare you the more colourful parts, but it basically went like this.
“You are an irresponsible, stupid, pathetic excuse for a leader. I wouldn’t trust you to run a cake stall, let alone a group of vigilantes, and the next time the universe breaks down due to your inability, don’t come crying to us.”
And then he walked away muttering about being in a sea of idiots.
I thought Tash was going to slug him in the face – she’s done it before. She doesn’t take that kind of crap from anyone.
But she didn’t. She just stood there and took it! (by the way, Aramayis and Kitsune, if you’re reading this, you both suck too – why did you just stand there?! Why didn’t you help her?!) I don’t get it. I know she’s been depressed lately (I’ve heard her throwing up lately too – I think her stress is giving her stomach aches) but I didn’t think she’d just stand there and take it like that!
Saito’s a dick. He had no right to say those things. Tash isn’t perfect, but neither is he.
By the way, Tash, if you read this, I know there’s probably some kind of manners thing that means I shouldn’t be posting this, but if you won’t talk about it, then I damn well will!
Next time I see Saito he is Liopleurodon chow!
Success! I found my password! So now my email has been updated and I can carry on posting my thoughts and opinions even if people don’t want to listen.
Okay boring stuff first – school is dire (as always), though I suppose I should inform you about the Cullen Disciples. The Cullen Disciples are a group of about thirteen students at my school from all years. There are eleven girls and two boys, though to be honest I think one of them is there because he thinks it’ll make him popular, and the other is there because he wants to do one of the girls. The German exchange student looked like he was about to be dragged in (they told him it was a regular book club), but Miki stepped in and explained to him exactly what it was, and he hasn’t gone near them since.
Anyway, the Disciples are just downright creepy. They sit in the corner of the cafeteria every lunch time, all hunched over like the rest of us are carrying plague, and they hang around in the prayer room for the rest of the break (the rest of the students have started using classroom 2 to pray in because they don’t want to go near them – the teachers want to move them, but they’re a little worried that it could be constituted as denying their right to worship). They always talk in hushed voices like they know something we don’t, and most disturbingly of all, they all wear glitter on their cheeks.
I wish I was making this up.
Anyway, that’s about the only interesting thing that’s happened. Sports day was rained off so it was last Thursday instead. Miki and I sat in a tree on the field (ignoring the teachers insistence that we get down and sit with the rest of our houses – I ripped a hole in my school trousers) and booed everyone – cept for Anna of course. We cheered her. Then we got real stick from the teacher for supporting a house that wasn’t our own. Sorry Mrs White, but Stuart house haven’t won for about thirty three years. I don’t think that’s going to change this year. Besides, I don’t like being on the losing team, so Hannover all the way!
Anyway, outside of school, I have been a fully qualified agent for about three months now –and I still haven’t had a mission come up! They’ve all been level 8 or higher Sues, or Sovereigns and only the leaders deal with them. I need a wimp, damn it!
Harriet has been teaching me the fine art of cricket. Now we all know I’m rubbish at sports – despite my ability to hit my targets with my supersoaker, I can’t hit a ball to save my life, and I am always last to be chosen for rounders because I leave dents in windows, teachers cars and my teammate’s foreheads – so I can’t play cricket very well. Harriet and (a)’s holographic copies routinely beat me. However I am learning the rules, and finding them to be rather fun.
On the far opposite end of the spectrum, Tash has done the impossible, and managed to convert me in more ways than one. To say I had doubts about watching Ouran High School Host Club would be an understatement – when I like anime it tends to be shonen anime rather than shojo, and Ouran is nothing but shojo and a whole lotta rose petals (seriously where the hell do those things come from?!). But so help me, I watched Ouran all the way through, and I thought it was really good, so I guess I am a chick after all!
But more importantly, I sat through Ouran, glancing from pretty boy to pretty boy, and couldn’t help but notice that (aside from cheering for Tamaki and Haruhi to get together) my resounding thought throughout the whole thing was “Why aren’t the twins making out yet?”. Afterwards I got curious, and knowing that Tash has a long recommended reading list full of boy on boy pairings from various fandoms, I stayed up all night reading fanfiction (p.s. Tash, Tendershipping is smexy, but I personally prefer Thiefshipping).
So it is official.
I, Emily Foxblade, am a yaoi fangirl.
And before any of you old people come whining to me that I’m thirteen and shouldn’t be reading this kind of stuff, I advise you to take your complaints to Harriet. But before you open your mouths to stick your feet in them, just remember that when she was thirteen she was reading waaaay kinkier stuff than I was, so she may be a little offended as you attempt to ‘defend my innocent little mind from this filth’.
Jeeze. I know I’m thirteen, but none of you treated Inara like a baby when she joined last year and she was the same age then as I am now!
Okay I’m done being huffy. I should draw this to a close anyway. I’m on basement duty all this week and I’ve got to fix the Deus Ex Machina too…
But first, I must go search for more Thiefshipping…
Hey peeps! Emily here!
Continuing what I hope isn’t going to be a trait of borrowing each others accounts, I’m borrowing Tash’s account for a simple reason. I wanted to change the email for my account to my new email address, and realised I’ve forgotten my password. Asked for password recovery, and then realised that I can’t get the password because its sent it to my old email which I cannot access because my password has expired! So I’m stuck in a loop. I’m going to have to make another account. I’ll set it up later.
Anyway, I’ll do a proper blog post later when I’ve got a new name and account. There’s a lot to catch up on…and Mr Falkner is giving me weird looks – I think he knows I’m not doing my work!
Where to begin? For the most part, I’m okay after my death-defying stunt in Venice in Assassin’s Creed 2. But bruised bones don’t heal overnight and I’m still really rather sore.
I’m glad I survived. Falling without the ability to fly is not fun. At all. I don’t know how sky divers do it. Some sort of quirk in the brain that lets them turn off the gibbering fear of “OH HOLY SHIT I’m gonna die I’mgonnadieI’mgonnadie!!”? Not all that sure on how it works.
And I’m a little frustrated at Passion. I wanted to take a Leap of Faith! No fair. So wanted to.
….Then again, what I did was kinda a leap of faith. Fall off high point in city and survive. But it wasn’t elegant at all! I mean really, by the time I was done there was a HUGE hole in the ground from where I was aiming with Incandescent Silverreign. And the rest of poor Venice. Between the two of us, Passion and I had destroyed a good half of the place. It’s a good thing everything fixed itself when we all left.
And the other thing I need to mention. I’m Incandescent Silverreign’s new user. I hope Phoenixia, wherever she is, is okay with me using her gun.
We all miss you Phoenixia. Come back to us, if you can. We love you and want you back.
I went into this intending to write a happy entry. Now, after thinking about Nixie, I can’t anymore. Maybe I will again later.