Home > dancingphoenix (Tash) > Coming Clean

Coming Clean

Okay. We all saw what happened in today’s meeting. And I’ve had some very loud parties of agents who have been suggesting none too subtly that Harriet and I punish such drastic and potentially dangerous behaviour from a junior member who obviously needs to learn manners, blah blah blah…

All I have to say is this.

Emily, next time you want to pull something like this, COME AND FIND ME BEFORE YOU PUSH SAITO INTO FISH FINGER’S TANK SO I CAN HELP YOU HOLD HIM DOWN!

Too bad Fish Finger has decided she doesn’t like the taste of humans…

Things have been pretty quiet. Combee chewed up the Deus Ex Machina a while ago and Emily has only just started fixing it. The good news is that now we can understand the Pokemon without overdosing on Oneshots. Unfortunately it also means that all Combee’s singing is now perfectly audible and understandable. And then two days ago, she gave me the fateful news…

“Auntie Tashy! I’ve found a Bee who sings! His name is Justin!”

And all hope was lost in the world as the strains of “Boyfriend” began to filter through the Library…

Gods help us all.

Anyway, the WARGS organised a huge game of Risk two weeks ago (Alice won). And then there was a massive Magic The Gathering tournament (which Dave won). And then a Minecraft Survival Games event (Michael won that). And then a friggin huge Pokemon tournament (Adrian won that). Harriet organised a cricket tournament (she won that). And then Ben, John and I had a huge dance off yesterday (nobody won that). We’ve been pretty competitive overall. Maybe its the Olympics.

Anyway, I may as well get out with it. I’ve been feeling pretty morose lately, as most of you may have gathered. Combination of a lot of things I’ve been called regularly over the last few months by various people just digging at me a little deeper each time – mostly insults from Sues, but sometimes other agents. Sometimes just downright nasty. I mean, they’re all true. I’m not blind to my own personality faults, its just that I don’t care what people think of me. The world can think I’m an angry, callous, stupid bitch and I don’t care. Or rather I shouldn’t care. That’s my problem. I’ve started caring again.

I shouldn’t care what other people think of me. I should just be able to say, ‘this is who I am – if you don’t like it, you can fuck off’. But there’s this really rubbish, doormat part of me that just wants to cower and go back to sucking up to the people who insult me in order to get them to like me again. Its pathetic, and I hate myself for it. I thought I’d grown out of that once I left school.

Or maybe I’m just sick and tired of trying to please some people when they just can’t be pleased.

Jeeze, when did I become so angsty? Maybe about the time missions started trickling in more and more slowly? Maybe I need a distraction…in fact I’m really tempted to go pick a fight with a Sue just to stir things up. I’d take Emily with me, but she’s on basement duty this week…

…spoke too soon. That’s the basement alarm going off. Maybe Emily ran out of tea again…

Categories: dancingphoenix (Tash)
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