Have I been eating too many crack pills? My eyes are being overloaded with rainbow colors…
The new theme is…interesting, I guess. It’s a nice change.
The library is very quiet. I’m guessing NaNoWriMo is in full swing. My author never participated, so I guess I’ll just twiddle my thumbs and wait until the month is over so I can kick Aster’s ass in video games and slip crack pills into Tash’s drinks hang out with everyone.
If anyone tells me “Trick or Treat”, I will gladly give you a treat…that consists of me ramming five or more crack pills down your throat. Enjoy.
By the way, it happens to be Red Ribbon Week (Anti-drug week).
-Chews a crack pill nonchalantly-
Unlike my author, who is dressing up in 1920’s Jazz Age garb for extra credit in her English class under the theme of some kind of book about a fellow named Gatz-something [Akai’s Author: IT’S GATSBY! AND DO YOU THINK I ENJOY WEARING A DRESS AND CARRYING A PARASOL ANY MORE THAN YOU WOULD?!], I…have no idea what to wear for Halloween. I didn’t celebrate it that often when I lived in my original world, but it seems that here in the Library, we’re going to have an entire party devoted to the occasion. So, any costume suggestions for me and the jun-akuma? I’m open to most things. Cosplay is okay, I guess, but I do enough of that on the rare occasions I’m dragged to Comiket…
By the way, is it normal to wake up with a weapon (Spear-tan) in one hand and a bottle of root beer in the other while slumped over in front of my closet? I have fuzzy memories of yesterday…if I think really hard, strawberries, long hair, mud, and a fountain pen come to mind for some odd reason…well, whatever, I’m off to level up my Kanto Pokémon.
My author has left me alone, for once – she’s planning a birthday party the day after her birthday so she’s got a lot of calls to make, plus she muttered something about it being very coincidental that two people canceled on her because of SATs but then not so coincidental since they canceled on two different things.
I have no idea what that’s all supposed to mean, but the sanity of my author doesn’t concern me, and I finally have peace and quiet again.
Though, it’s a bit too quiet at the moment. It’s always one end of the spectrum for my author – she’s either clinging onto me or pushing me aside due to RL concerns. It’s the latter at the moment, and rather than search fruitlessly for a postcard (Hey, what’s gone is gone, Aster, move on >_>) or dish out some punishment to some school bullies (I’m highly disappointed that I wasn’t invited in on the fun), I’ve been jacking my author’s Pokémon games and screwing around with her files trying to get up to date with some of the latest Pokémon news.
It turns out that Black and White is “pirate-free” – eh, that’s of no concern to me. I’m (mostly) an honest citizen, and I buy my games.
(I would like to take a moment to laugh at my author. HA, I’M FROM JAPAN SO I GET TO PLAY THE GAME BEFORE YOU DO.)
(And on a side note, you just lost the game. Oh yes, this is what I’ll be doing when I wait for my DS to charge – making “that’s what she said” jokes and forcing people to lose the game. I feel alive!)
But for the fans out there, a fan-made movie called “Apokélypse”, or something of that sort anyways, has released a trailer and is enjoying immense popularity right now. My author got all excited over it, but I don’t see what’s so special. The CG is good, I guess, but the puns are bad (Speaking of which, I’ll have to make sure that Shirley isn’t around whenever I’m watching the trailer…I don’t want my laptop to get crushed) and Pikachu looks like a scraggly rat! Blasphemy!
So what have I been doing besides playing video games and annoying people? Well, Chrys decided to drag me out of the Library to have a bit of fun (This is when Aster was off to deal with Emily’s bullies, otherwise we would’ve invited her) in our home universe. We eventually ended up at a photo booth where we snapped up random silly pictures (Hey, we’re Japanese high school girls after all). When we got out of the booth to get our photos, Chrys happened to slip on an empty soda can on the ground outside, and smashed ungracefully into the side of the booth. While Chrys windmilled her arms to regain her balance, the booth fell over with a humongous crash.
And this is where I have to take back my statement that I’m an honest citizen – Chrys and I took out our Plothole Generators and hauled ass out of there. Hey, I have money, but I’m not rich enough to pay for a freaking photo booth.
So, once I got back to – oi! What the hell are you doing in my room?! Stupid author, give me back my laptop! HEY –
[Note to Aster’s author: In the RL variant of this, today was Picture Day. I spotted Chrys’s author and gestured for her to stand behind me in line. She headed over…and tripped over one of the extension cords on the floor, unplugging one of the cameras. That particular line got held up for a while. Chrys’s author was mortified while I laughed uproariously. Now I can safely say that I have two anime stereotype friends: a dojikko and a tsundere (If you forgot who this was, hint – Death is fatal).]
-Fourth wall rumbles ominously-
Goddamn it, my author is almost as bad as Aster…first she bums around with me for an entire week, then she randomly leaves me alone, pops in for thirty seconds, and then disappears again…anyways. Chrys and I got reprimanded for being reckless, but our punishment wasn’t as harsh as Aster’s – we got assigned grunt work – in other words, a huge stack of ungraded Rookie exams.
It took us a while, but we finally finished and handed in the passing exam. Yes, only the paper that passed. I still possess the failed exam papers. What am I planning to do with them?
Well, let’s put it this way – I’m looking for a large pile of marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate.
12 days. I have 12 days until my author’s birthday. Normally, I don’t talk to my author except when:
1. I’m extremely bored (This rarely happens since I’m a Society Agent).
2. I have issues with my current state of life that are influenced by my author (I’m still bitter over the fact that she made me shorter than her. Well, it’s only about half an inch or so, but still! This happens every once in a while.).
3. My author drags me off because she’s bored or wants to tell me something (This constitutes about 95% of the times we talk, and usually it’s extremely trivial news).
As stated above, normally, reason #3 is the reason why my ass gets randomly dragged out of the Library or, in the middle of the night, my author shows up and wakes me up to tell me something about her life.
HONESTLY. I AM YOUR OC/SELF-INSERT, NOT YOUR PERSONAL DIARY. STOP BITCHING TO ME ABOUT YOUR LIFE, YOU SAD, IMMATURE EXCUSE FOR AN AUTHOR!
-Takes out a crack pill and swallows it-
-Calms down slightly-
Hooooo. Okay, back to what I was saying before. My author, while a bit tactless at times, does let me have my privacy and leaves me alone for the most part. Unfortunately, like I said, there’s less than two weeks until her birthday. No, it’s not that I want to get her anything. The problem is, she’s been visiting me and/or dragging me out to “hang out” with her every single day since she realized “OMG IT’S SEPTEMBER MY BIRTHDAY’S COMING UP ;DDDD”.
The good news is, she’ll probably stop after her birthday passes. The bad news is, she’s probably going to do this every day until it does.
Someone kill me. Please.
Some of you may be thinking, “Hey, if you hate her that much, just threaten her or something and be done with it. You’re not afraid to use violence, right?”. The thing is, I don’t hate her. As annoying as she is, she is my author, so in a way, she’s my “elder”, and I (grudgingly) have to respect that.
Others may say, “Since she’s your author, can’t you just cope with it? After all, it’s only 12 more days!”. Hm, if I told you to stay in the Twilight fandom for 12 days and “just cope with it”, would you be fine with that?
…okay, my author isn’t that bad (Come to think of it, can anyone think of anything as bad as being stuck in the Twilight fandom for several days? I really can’t at the moment.), but she’s the only one so far who can single-handedly annoy and embarrass me unscathed.
Here’s what happened this morning…
Me: -Reading a book in my room-
Author: AKAAAAAAAI! -Glomps from behind-
Me: What the – ?! Where did you come from?!
Author: K-ON is ending soon! There’s only 3 more episodes left in the anime! And the FINAL chapter raws are out and the translators are almost done with it and there was a leak and in the new chapter Azusa was crying and lots of people are interpreting it as a confession to Yui (hell no I hope not, but then again, Kakifly seems to like yuri) and OH GOD HOW AM I GONNA LIVE?! MY PRECIOUS K-ON IS ENDING –
Me: SHUT UP! I DON’T GIVE A DAMN! LET ME GO! OI! YOU! HELP ME OUT!
Jun-akuma: -Stares blankly and then offers a cookie-
…and the worst part is, when she left, she ruffled my hair and told me that the outburst was her idea of a joke since I hate getting glomped (Except by Chrys and maybe Aster, since I’m kind of used to it by now).
Maybe I get my sadism from her.
There’s still quite a bit of crack left in the vents. I’m guessing that it’ll last about four more days. And even then, I might decide to slip a little more into the filter. Ah, the air in here feels so nice and crack-ish. But seriously, since I found it laughably easy to slip my crack pills into the filters, the security on the air filters should be increased. It’s just like that time when I finally passed my written exam by folding down the corner of a page…er…
There’s quite a lot of things going on now. For one, Aster got her soul back. Thankfully, she’s still the same, more or less.
Also, Adrian’s back. I’m not quite sure what to make of him – he’s got cat ears, for one thing, and he wears trenchcoats. He seems a bit too…eh…not up to my standards of what a Librarian should be like. He does seem like a nice guy though, so I guess I’ll have to formally introduce myself sometime.
Hm…maybe I should’ve waited a few more days to stick my crack pills in the air filters. All that euphoria about Adrian returning plus the crack-induced highs from my pills might lead to some dangerous circumstances.
Speaking of which, I think we might need to put a collar on Chrys. Evidently, crack and Chrys equals a higher amount of desu than usual. The sparkles are starting to affect my sleeping patterns…
Normally, crack pills have little to no effect on me. After all, at the very least, I finish one tin within a month.
But a couple of days ago, when Aster beat me in a series of video games, of all things (She normally sucks at fighting games! And how the hell did she beat me in Brawl? I’m freaking invincible when I use Meta Knight!), I got a bit upset.
If you can call throwing my Wiimote at a wall and cramming five crack pills straight into my mouth “a bit” upset.
Chrys then showed up and cheered me up a bit by offering to have a friendly battle with me via a Pokemon game. Chrys had her DS ready to go, so I went to my room to grab mine. I made sure that the top slot of my DS had the correct game card in it, and booted up my game so I could go to the Link Center and battle with Chrys.
As soon as the title credits passed and the file selection showed up, I knew something was wrong. Normally, my start screen looks something like this:
TIME: -Insert over 300 hours here-
POKéDEX: -Insert a number close to 200 here-
Instead, I was faced with this:
It turns out that somehow, my file got deleted and replaced by some n00b file. It’s definitely not mine – there is no way in hell that I would ever pick a grass starter, even if I had gone temporarily insane or something. I’m wondering if it had anything to do with those imps that stole stuff from the Society, but why would they delete my file instead of just taking my DS?
Whoever the hell touched my DS is going to have their ears cut off and skewered onto their elbows once I get a hold of him…or her…or it…
Anyways, the good news is, I’m an avid Pokémon gamer so I didn’t lose my best Pokémon – I was cautious enough to trade my good ones into a game card that I guard heavily. The bad news is, like I said above, I dedicated over 300 hours to that file, and I did lose some very good Pokémon. I had a level 78 shiny Kadabra! A SHINY!
The bottom line is, I got really upset and shoved about half a tin of crack pills down my throat.
At that moment, nothing happened except that I started raging so much that Chrys’s desu fizzled out for a few days (Though I think it’s starting to come back now). Chrys (and Mizuho, who turned up to see what was wrong since Chrys started freaking out when I got out my spear and started stabbing things) eventually got me to calm down, and they, along with some of the other members of the Society, eventually restored some of my game’s lost glory (Damn, some of the Agents here have really weird Pokémon…).
Unfortunately, while my mood got better, something else became upset – my stomach. Over half a tin of crack pills within an hour is definitely not good…
I tried Tums, soda, milk (This actually made it worse), ginger tea, some actual Altoids (They tasted very mild compared to my usual dose of minty crack), an apple (Aster’s suggestion), and half a spoon of baking soda mixed with water, but none of them helped my stomach. I guess conventional remedies don’t work on crack-based ailments?
Currently, I’m in my room, curled up in my bed with two blankets wrapped around my stomach THAT WILL NOT STOP CHURNING GODDAMMIT! -Chucks a cookie from the jun-akuma across the room-
If anyone wants to drop by and suggest other cures, feel free…I’ll probably be here all day…
I’m in a really bad mood. First of all, the Sue that Chrys, Aster, and I were supposed to catch freaking ran away. The next time I see her, I’m going to stab her on her left leg, because that’s where I got a cramp from trying to chase her. And for good measure, I’m going to pelt her with week-old cookies that I forgot to eat from the jun-akuma.
Maybe it’s better this way. I was planning on stabbing her anyways, but now I have a good reason to. Heh.
Also, I had a desu vs. anti-desu war with Chrys. Unfortunately, I lost, so I got pelted with desu sparkles. I’m still seeing random spots of light even as I type this. Of course, Chrys apologized profusely. Note to self: next time I dangle chocolate in front of Chrys, wear sunglasses…
For dinner, I prepared some cup ramen. While I was waiting for the noodles to be cooked, Aster dragged me to a computer, sat me down, and said that if I don’t write something for the Society’s blog, I wouldn’t get Spear-tan back.
And for good measure, I just realized that my noodles are going to be totally soggy and overcooked by the time I finish this.
So, to sum it up, I’m limping around because of a damn Sue, I’m half-blind because of desu, and I don’t even have my spear to vent out my anger with.
Aster, I better get Spear-tan back or else I’m going to throw your Elfen Lied postcard into the new incinerator.