Archive for the ‘Little Green Army Commander (Jared)’ Category

Well, at least it wasn’t too difficult to arrange.

Today the LPGB asked my permission to go on leave for Halloween, which honestly surprised me since they all take themselves way too seriously all the time. But it seemed harmless enough so I granted their permission and asked what they wanted to be.

Most surprisingly they told me they wanted to be Spetsnaz.

So don’t be alarmed if you see any red army men running around, it’s just the LPGB with an additional coat of spray paint.

Maybe they’re just excited about Black Ops…



I really have nothing to say

I have done absolutely nothing lately anybody here would be bored enough to consider reading, so I will instead leave you with a profound word of wisdom.

“Centuries ago when men beat the ground with sticks and shouted curses it was called witchcraft, nowadays it is called golf.”




I need to work out more…

Today I went on a mission to a fairly obscure NES fandom, it was full of running and jumping… I sat out on the last mission and let Chloe take it solo, the mission before that I allowed the LPGB to go in alone (which in retrospect may have been a bad idea…) so the bottom line is I’ve been lying on the couch and eating Cheetos alot… I mean alot!

So by the time I got to the top of the tower I was panting and sweating, because back in the 1980’s stairs were apparently too advanced for most game developers, I’ve never jumped so much in my life!… and then the Stu had the nerve to mock me! Had I not abandoned the Boomhammer back in the underworld I would have put him through a wall (Don’t judge me, that things weighs 20 pounds!) Bottom line I’m going to start taking alot more training sessions… and not sitting out on so many missions.

(EDIT: Yeah, if it weren’t for General Idea’s surprise air attack and me separating the fiend from his weapon he probably would have gotten away, from now on I’m forcing you to work out with me. ~Chloe)


Due to a nasty accident involving a new wood glue formula (Hey, the LPGB are not the only ones who might need a quick way to escape from Shirley, as Dave and Ben would testify) I have accidentally glued myself to the ceiling, to make matters worse my mouth has been glued shut, meaning my iPod is now my only method of communication, if anybody reads this please come get me, and bring glue solvent.


Holy crap Adrian just walked beneath me, I tried to call to him but it was rather hard around a mouthful of glue, oh well. Maybe he’ll read this and come and get me down.

P.S. I am considering selling my wood glue, but as of right now it is far too powerful. I really need to tweak my formula a bit.


I don’t seem to understand where all this stuff seems to be vanishing off to? After hearing Charis’ comments about stolen implements I have doubled the amount of LPGB personnel stationed in my lab. Personally I don’t suspect my the LPGB are responsible because there is virtually no raw material they could steal from Charis’ lab that they wouldn’t have access to in my own lab or the general access storage lockers.

On another, private note to Charis regarding the latest LPGB incident: You didn’t hear this from me but a high frequency sonic generator, or a reasonably large dog whistle placed in your lab will cause serious, if not catastrophic vision problems for the LPGB making them combat ineffective. Again, you did not hear this from me…


I walked over to my laptop today and found boot prints all over my keyboard, why one of my LPGB would ever get the urge to type anything is beyond me… maybe I should come up with a new, more rigorous training program to use up some more of their time so they aren’t getting into everyone’s hair so often. To keep me from having to clean off my keyboard in the future I have come up with an invention that runs an electrical current through it to keep the LPGB off of it, of course it nearly causes me to wet myself every time I forget to disable it before logging on, I might have to go back to the drawing board for this machine…

~Little Green Army Commander (Jared)